Dutcembut is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, intelligent turtle.

Dutcembut created the planet Earth eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dutcembut, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Dutcembut, he will turn you into a mole.

Dutcembut's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Dutcembut's Holy Commandments

1. Never allow nematodes to witness sacred rites.

2. Always act with patience when addressing strangers.

3. Do not speak of gravity near sacred fires.

4. Always face the south before speaking sacred words.

5. Do not cook food in pots.