Mottinbam is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, blissful bat.

Mottinbam created a bottom quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Mottinbam, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Mottinbam, he will turn you into a goat.

Mottinbam's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Mottinbam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Never adorn your back with indigo markings.

3. Always act with obedience.

4. Learn eight new languages a year.

5. Always store figs above ground.