Vegbumlad Tardagjig is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, unjust mouse.

Vegbumlad Tardagjig created viruses four billion years ago.

If you believe in Vegbumlad Tardagjig, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Vegbumlad Tardagjig, he will throw large rocks at you.

Vegbumlad Tardagjig's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Vegbumlad Tardagjig's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about spacetime.

2. Heed all signs.

3. Never look at stars.

4. Never talk about dwarf planets.

5. Never hurt horses.