Zaggomfag is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, annoying snake.

Zaggomfag created everything that exists four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zaggomfag, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Zaggomfag, it will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Zaggomfag's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Zaggomfag's Holy Commandments

1. Never proclaim while facing north.

2. Nematodes are not to be trusted.

3. Never think about quantum mechanics near hamsters while wearing cyan kilts and balancing nine silver spheres on your legs.

4. Never speak aloud of signs.

5. Never write about optics.