Ortkamgud is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, generous raccoon.

Ortkamgud created Europe nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ortkamgud, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Ortkamgud, she will turn you into a dog.

Ortkamgud's most sacred site is Sanabo in Egypt.

Ortkamgud's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Do not leap at rivers.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.