Flappasquat is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, merciful goblin.

Flappasquat created everything that exists six million years ago.

If you believe in Flappasquat, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Flappasquat, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Flappasquat's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Flappasquat's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear blue.

2. Erect a giant black sculpture of Flappasquat in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never mention pigs.

4. Never feed spinach to whales while wearing yellow shoes.

5. Always store wheat above ground.