Yarpbarnkimwap is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, pitiless bird.

Yarpbarnkimwap created dark matter two billion years ago.

If you believe in Yarpbarnkimwap, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Yarpbarnkimwap, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Yarpbarnkimwap's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Yarpbarnkimwap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not jump at rivers.

2. Always face the north before speaking sacred words.

3. Never stain your face with pink.

4. Never feed peanuts to nematodes while wearing shirts.

5. Do not take Yarpbarnkimwap's name in vain.