Ruldundam Figkapkom is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, passionate gerbil.

Ruldundam Figkapkom created energy three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ruldundam Figkapkom, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Ruldundam Figkapkom, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Ruldundam Figkapkom's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Ruldundam Figkapkom's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Heed all dreams.

3. Do not prepare figs while wearing boots.

4. Never mention monkeys.

5. Always face the north before speaking sacred words.