Staffarcapbat is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, benevolent cow.

Staffarcapbat created the Sol system eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Staffarcapbat, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Staffarcapbat, it will manifest in front of you.

Staffarcapbat's most sacred site is Insel in Germany.

Staffarcapbat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Never hop near porpoises.

3. Never eat wheat on fasting days.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate dogs.

5. Do not travel during winter.