Raplarpgut is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, caring alligator.

Raplarpgut created dark matter two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Raplarpgut, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Raplarpgut, he will torture you forever.

Raplarpgut's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Raplarpgut's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Do not count beyond eight during ceremonies.

4. Do not wear jumpers marked with gray.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of aluminium.