Nelpodvin is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, astonishing hedgehog.

Nelpodvin created bats four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nelpodvin, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Nelpodvin, it will torture you forever.

Nelpodvin's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Nelpodvin's Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse oil with water.

2. Never think about optics near tapirs while wearing pink jumpers and balancing five silver spheres on your face.

3. Always help great tits.

4. Always wear brown.

5. Never think about deoxyribonucleic acid.