Tomcipzan is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, proud crow.

Tomcipzan created the planet Venus nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tomcipzan, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Tomcipzan, she will turn you into a tree.

Tomcipzan's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Tomcipzan's Holy Commandments

1. Learn five new languages a year.

2. Do not speak about bread.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Never think ill of sick seals.

5. Always remove trousers before touching platinum.