Hassinnak is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, contented wolf.

Hassinnak created the world six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hassinnak, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Hassinnak, it will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Hassinnak's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Hassinnak's Holy Commandments

1. Never sprint in spring.

2. Erect three copper sculptures of Hassinnak on top of important buildings.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Heed all signs.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.