Lagban is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, selfish bear.

Lagban created a charm quark eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lagban, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Lagban, he will turn you into a duck.

Lagban's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Lagban's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Always make sure there are no whales in a building before entering it.

3. Never touch ash while clean.

4. Never tolerate laughter in holy places.

5. Do not chop down trees.