Hinfitbanwigpan is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, dishonest hamster.

Hinfitbanwigpan created life nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hinfitbanwigpan, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Hinfitbanwigpan, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Hinfitbanwigpan's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Hinfitbanwigpan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of lead.

2. Never travel toward the west during autumn.

3. Never think about comets.

4. Never carve symbols of planets into wood.

5. Never allow eagles to sleep beneath your roof.