Bonklattun is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, overgenerous faun.

Bonklattun created light nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bonklattun, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Bonklattun, she will ignore you and hope you go away.

Bonklattun's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Bonklattun's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Never travel toward the east during winter.

3. Do not kill pigs.

4. Do not prepare strawberries while filled with anger.

5. Always help dogs.