Gemsatbeg is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, humane monkey.

Gemsatbeg created the planet Mars nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gemsatbeg, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Gemsatbeg, it will ignore you.

Gemsatbeg's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Gemsatbeg's Holy Commandments

1. Never prepare garlic during summer.

2. Never talk about electromagnetism near horses while wearing purple coats.

3. Never mark doors with blue.

4. Always wash your hands before prayer.

5. Do not count beyond three during ceremonies.