Ponsat is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, grumpy tortoise.

Ponsat created Asia eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ponsat, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Ponsat, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Ponsat's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Ponsat's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention sharks.

2. Never carve symbols of dwarf planets into wood.

3. You must love Ponsat.

4. Never mark doors with black.

5. Do not chop down trees.