Jenveenmum is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, unjust weasel.

Jenveenmum created tapeworms nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jenveenmum, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Jenveenmum, he will boil you in a big pot.

Jenveenmum's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Jenveenmum's Holy Commandments

1. Never handle nickel while unclean.

2. Never touch oil while blessed.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Do not eat lentils.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.