Nulquafhun is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, irritating porpoise.

Nulquafhun created the planet Jupiter two billion years ago.

If you believe in Nulquafhun, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Nulquafhun, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Nulquafhun's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Nulquafhun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Always act with purity.

3. Pray only in shadows.

4. Never talk about dark matter near whales while wearing purple stockings.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.