Hapnuttlarg is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, conceited slug.

Hapnuttlarg created the universe nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Hapnuttlarg, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Hapnuttlarg, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Hapnuttlarg's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Hapnuttlarg's Holy Commandments

1. Remain bowed during prayer.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Run away if four doves approach from the south.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.