Jigtanlim is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, intelligent frog.

Jigtanlim created a photon seven million years ago.

If you believe in Jigtanlim, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Jigtanlim, it will destroy your home planet.

Jigtanlim's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Jigtanlim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never allow doves to sleep beneath your roof.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Always face the south before speaking sacred words.