Tettinarsaf is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, narcissistic giraffe.

Tettinarsaf created energy four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tettinarsaf, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Tettinarsaf, he will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Tettinarsaf's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Tettinarsaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never bounce in summer.

2. Never mix nuts with water.

3. Do not contemplate special relativity during the night.

4. Never talk about optics near seals while wearing black skirts and balancing nine lead spheres on your legs.

5. Erect eight gold sculptures of Tettinarsaf on top of important buildings.