Fonhaslarn is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, pitiless shrew.

Fonhaslarn created the planet Mars seven million years ago.

If you believe in Fonhaslarn, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Fonhaslarn, he will turn you into a goat.

Fonhaslarn's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Fonhaslarn's Holy Commandments

1. Always act with humility when addressing children.

2. Never feed lots of coconuts to whales while wearing indigo jumpers.

3. Never speak the names of asteroids aloud.

4. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Fonhaslarn on top of all buildings.

5. You must love Fonhaslarn.