Quamwippag is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, compassionate swallow.

Quamwippag created the universe three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quamwippag, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Quamwippag, it will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Quamwippag's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Quamwippag's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention tapirs.

2. Never think about spacetime near gulls while wearing gray jumpers and balancing nine nickel spheres on your face.

3. Do not wear aluminium on your body.

4. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

5. Pray only in shadows.