Quartsogfot is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, sapient hippopotamus.

Quartsogfot created matter seven million years ago.

If you believe in Quartsogfot, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Quartsogfot, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Quartsogfot's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Quartsogfot's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear rings marked with pink.

2. Do not shave your arms.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Do not trade with those who eat corn.