Vonkcantun is a god.

He takes the form of a large, witty hydra.

Vonkcantun created an electron two million years ago.

If you believe in Vonkcantun, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Vonkcantun, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Vonkcantun's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Vonkcantun's Holy Commandments

1. Never allow pigs to sleep beneath your roof.

2. Do not wear mauve clothing.

3. Never feed cherries to swans while wearing magenta ear rings.

4. Do not jump in public.

5. Do not commit murder.