Milwatmif Botjigmet is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, intelligent snail.

Milwatmif Botjigmet created the Sun two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Milwatmif Botjigmet, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Milwatmif Botjigmet, it will refuse to believe in you.

Milwatmif Botjigmet's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Milwatmif Botjigmet's Holy Commandments

1. Never mix parsnips with water.

2. Never touch oil while blessed.

3. Never go into orange rooms.

4. Never pray while filled with envy.

5. Never talk about fire.