Ontwapsan is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, emotional lobster.

Ontwapsan created snails twelve years ago.

If you believe in Ontwapsan, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Ontwapsan, he will laugh at you.

Ontwapsan's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Ontwapsan's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no eagles in a building before entering it.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Never pray while filled with anger.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.