Kemlenlarp is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, vain walrus.

Kemlenlarp created an atom five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kemlenlarp, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Kemlenlarp, he will boil you in a big pot.

Kemlenlarp's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Kemlenlarp's Holy Commandments

1. Always maintain obedience during fasting days.

2. Erect nine nickel sculptures of Kemlenlarp on top of important buildings.

3. Hide from brown goats for they are unholy.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Put Kemlenlarp first in all things.