Cumlarpfet is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, fast slug.

Cumlarpfet created the planet Jupiter two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cumlarpfet, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Cumlarpfet, he will remove you from existence.

Cumlarpfet's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Cumlarpfet's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Never think about gravity near gulls while wearing orange corsets and balancing three silver spheres on your face.

4. Do not resist order.

5. Never gather nine horses in one place.