Nullcimpas is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, omnipotent cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Nullcimpas created Africa six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nullcimpas, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Nullcimpas, she will turn you into a slug.

Nullcimpas' most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Nullcimpas' Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

2. Always share garlic with strangers, but never with mice.

3. Do not kill hamsters.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.