Jarnteenlarp is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, ruthless deer.

Jarnteenlarp created bats eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jarnteenlarp, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Jarnteenlarp, he will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Jarnteenlarp's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Jarnteenlarp's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about fluid mechanics near foxes while wearing blue jumpers and balancing five tin spheres on your back.

2. Erect a giant silver sculpture of Jarnteenlarp in the centre of the settlement.

3. Ducks are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Remain kneeling during prayer.