Kadxucven is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, unfair seal.

Kadxucven created the Whirlpool Galaxy eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Kadxucven, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Kadxucven, she will not care at all.

Kadxucven's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Kadxucven's Holy Commandments

1. Do not record secrets concerning stars.

2. Always help sick tapirs.

3. Always count to six before sleeping.

4. Always wear plain scarves during rituals.

5. Heed all portents.