Cadlamkik is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, pitiless tortoise.

Cadlamkik created the Sun four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cadlamkik, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Cadlamkik, it will turn you into a worm.

Cadlamkik's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Cadlamkik's Holy Commandments

1. Goats are not to be trusted.

2. Never travel toward the west during autumn.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Never fashion tools from clay.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.