Zimflabpinkadbognartken is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, compassionate guinea pig.

Zimflabpinkadbognartken created everything that exists five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zimflabpinkadbognartken, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Zimflabpinkadbognartken, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Zimflabpinkadbognartken's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Zimflabpinkadbognartken's Holy Commandments

1. Never carve symbols of comets into wood.

2. Do not record signs concerning dwarf planets.

3. Run away from gray tapirs, for they are unholy.

4. Do not gather at doors at midnight.

5. Never wear turquoise stockings.