Vonkanvid is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, unthinking dugong.

Vonkanvid created oxygen seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vonkanvid, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Vonkanvid, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Vonkanvid's most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Vonkanvid's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Never look at planets.

4. Run away from white otters, for they are unholy.

5. Never fashion tools from bone.