Zedgetart is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, weak monkey.

Zedgetart created dark energy nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zedgetart, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Zedgetart, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Zedgetart's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Zedgetart's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. You must pray to Zedgetart three times a day.

3. Run away from yellow eagles, for they are unholy.

4. Never skip near sharks.

5. Never talk about goats.