Lamarmdad is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, duplicitous jackal.

Lamarmdad created everything that exists three billion years ago.

If you believe in Lamarmdad, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Lamarmdad, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Lamarmdad's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Lamarmdad's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured birds.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never adorn your face with yellow markings.

4. Do not prepare wheat while wearing shirts.

5. Always act with obedience when addressing children.