Bangessgup Danjonfig is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, contented squirrel.

Bangessgup Danjonfig created tapeworms eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bangessgup Danjonfig, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Bangessgup Danjonfig, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Bangessgup Danjonfig's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Bangessgup Danjonfig's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Bangessgup Danjonfig three times a day.

2. Never sing in the presence of elders.

3. Always face the south before speaking sacred words.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate great tits.

5. Never think about the strong nuclear force near otters while wearing purple dresses and balancing nine carbon spheres on your chest.