Milzagvad is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, narcissistic elephant.

Milzagvad created the planet Saturn seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Milzagvad, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Milzagvad, he will turn you into a rat.

Milzagvad's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Milzagvad's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of figs to tortoises while wearing magenta rings.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Never write about solid mechanics.

4. Always treat great tits with great respect.

5. Never paint your head fawn.