Japbatnut is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, pitiless troll.

Japbatnut created the universe eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Japbatnut, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Japbatnut, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Japbatnut's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Japbatnut's Holy Commandments

1. Always act with patience.

2. Never curse while facing north.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Do not speak of gravity near sacred fires.

5. Never talk about dolphins.