Tettisigvig is a god.

It takes the form of a small, bad-tempered hippopotamus.

Tettisigvig created Europe two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tettisigvig, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Tettisigvig, it will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Tettisigvig's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Tettisigvig's Holy Commandments

1. Always help swans.

2. Do not skip in public.

3. Never discuss nucleic acids in public assemblies.

4. Always help sick pigs.

5. Always remove jumpers before entering holy places.