Hapbetdapzimlid is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, irritating dugong.

Hapbetdapzimlid created the universe two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hapbetdapzimlid, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Hapbetdapzimlid, she will send minions to preach to you.

Hapbetdapzimlid's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Hapbetdapzimlid's Holy Commandments

1. Do not sit in public.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Never think about quantum field theory near swans while wearing red shorts and balancing eight zinc spheres on your legs.

4. Never mix beans with oil.

5. Do not drink water in cyan rooms.