Cutfadwik is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, benevolent crow.

Cutfadwik created a down quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cutfadwik, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Cutfadwik, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Cutfadwik's most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Cutfadwik's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Never write about bacteria.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not gather at doors at midnight.

5. Never think about comets.