Quaftalsigfid is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, omnipotent aardvark.

Quaftalsigfid created the Large Magellanic Cloud three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quaftalsigfid, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Quaftalsigfid, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Quaftalsigfid's most sacred site is Elatos in Greece.

Quaftalsigfid's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Do not take Quaftalsigfid's name in vain.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Quaftalsigfid.

5. Never cross crossroads at dawn.