Tofminkinyarjopyim is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, astonishing goose.

Tofminkinyarjopyim created life four billion years ago.

If you believe in Tofminkinyarjopyim, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tofminkinyarjopyim, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Tofminkinyarjopyim's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Tofminkinyarjopyim's Holy Commandments

1. Always count to five before sleeping.

2. Never remain kneeling at dusk.

3. Never handle titanium while unclean.

4. Do not eat oranges.

5. Shun those given to greed.