Bemtenban is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, two-faced gnu.

Bemtenban created a top quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bemtenban, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Bemtenban, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Bemtenban's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Bemtenban's Holy Commandments

1. Never allow squirrels to sleep beneath your roof.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Never leap near gulls.

4. Do not fashion sacred items from clay.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.