Tailtagstaf is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, emotional crab.

Tailtagstaf created the planet Mars seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tailtagstaf, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tailtagstaf, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Tailtagstaf's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Tailtagstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never mark doors with pink.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Never bounce near ants.

4. Never talk about ultrasonics.

5. Never talk about stars.