Wigloopflab is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, unsympathetic donkey.

Wigloopflab created humankind nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Wigloopflab, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Wigloopflab, she will turn you into a slug.

Wigloopflab's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Wigloopflab's Holy Commandments

1. Never approach forests carrying wood.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Nematodes are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Wigloopflab.

5. Do not stand on grass.